I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're a waste of cheezeits
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
