dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
