i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
