I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
