I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
