If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
