pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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