It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
