How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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