So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
no, he came in my armpit
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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