That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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