She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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