this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We are all done wearing pants today
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
