It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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