grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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