There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
