It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she told me i tasted like america
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
