I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This is the high leading the old right now
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
