totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
