your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
