Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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