she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
