I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
