barbara walters just said penis...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
