Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
