he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Semen is not good for contacts.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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