I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
