Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
