You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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