Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
