Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
