She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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