She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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