youre lurking in front of me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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