Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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