whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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