i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So many bounce houses so little time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
