I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
