Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
