dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
