Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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