I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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