I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
