dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
