I CAN MOONWALK!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
