New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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