This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dignity is for republicans.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
