: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
