Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
