I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
