Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
