I looked at my own cervix.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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