Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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